New Cut & Color...

I've never dyed my hair before. Hard to believe, I know, but I've only ever highlighted it. So when Jamie, Viv and Jenny asked me come along, I was really excited. I've been wanted to go darker for quite sometime and decided that it was time for a change. I found something I liked in a magazine, but as it turns out, the hair stylist had something different in mind.

I'm not sure yet if I like it or not, and neither is my husband. He says it's "different". Well... it's just hair so it really doesn't matter. The real test will be if I can actually do it how the stylist did it.

It is really dark reddish brown underneath that fades into low lights into my natural blond colored hair. I really do love the color. The cut is what I'm having difficulty with.... I have bangs. Not bangs like I had in elementary and middle school, but sweeping bangs that go to the side. It's weird. I'm not quite sure a out it yet. She put shorter layers in, which I've had before, but when you put all this "different" together, it is quite shocking.

It's only hair, so if I decide I really don't like it, there is good news... it will grow out and I can always dye it again. One really cool thing is that my hair actually looks healthier after dying it. Strange huh? The stylist said that it's because you are putting pigment in rather than stripping it out when you highlight it. Anyway, here's a pic or two so you can judge for your self.

Fertility Stuff...

Ok, so most of you know all the struggles that I've been though for the past 4 years and I guess it's time for an update. It is something that's always on my mind, but I know that if i blogged about this awful experience I'm having EVERYDAY, none of you would ever want to read my blog, so I try to refrain from this negative stuff too much. Anyway, back in September Jason and I were given the go ahead once again. The Doctor cleared me from my surgery and told us we could try again. We talked about meds and he really wanted us to just give my body time to readjust chemically before jumping onto that boat.

I was so hopeful that this time I might actually conceive on my own without meds. Well, months of charting, tracking, testing, and hoping went by, but no such luck. I did find that i was ovulating now, which was a glimmer of light and hope. Prior to my surgery, I did NOT ovulate. The problem is that it is happening so late in my cycle. I'm not a doctor, so i waited.

Unfortunately last month I miscarried in the very early stages of a pregnancy and I started to doing some research and making some phone calls again. I found some information talking about when ovulation needs to occur in order to have a long enough time for a fertilized egg to implant. Looking at my charts I realized that I'm not ovulating until like day 23! This leaves me with a luteal phase of only 5 days or so, which just is not long enough! So, no matter how hard we try, this just isn't going to produce a healthy baby.

I scheduled another appointment with my Doctor, and he agreed... back on meds I go. So, I'm hopeful once again that maybe I actually will get to have a baby sometime soon. Now I just have to wait for my cycle to readjust its self. Any of you that has every had a miscarriage knows that it can take a few months to get things straightened back out again. Many of us women do not typically hope for our cycles to start, but I'm praying it will soon!

So, I'm very hopeful, but very scared. I do believe that God will bless us with a baby when the time is right, but I'm just so scared of another loss. I'm still so torn up about my first miscarriage. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. I dream about what life would be like. What my baby would look like and how they would be over 5 months old now! It is just so painful. Words just cant express it. My surgeries and recoveries came with physical pain that at times made me wish for death, this is nothing compared to the emotional pain I feel from the loss of my baby. So, I'm scared and I worry!

Introducing....

So, back in October I posted pictures of shower invites and then just sort of dropped off the face of the earth. No explanation needed if you know me at all, but anyway. I need to introduce you to a very precious Little Girl!

Little Princess Lena was born on the very early morning of November 12, 2008. Her mom and dad (Jamie & Jairo (sorry if I spelled this wrong)) are very proud of their beautiful little girl and I was very honored that they would invite me to be part of their little miracle. It was the single most amazing and beautiful thing that I have witnessed thus far in my lifetime!

So, since I've been slacking so much, I now will post a few pictures that are from birth to 6 weeks! Time sure goes by fast in baby years! (I'm sure all you moms out there will agree!)

Self Censored...

I know it's been forever, and I have so much to say. For the first time ever I'm feeling a little bit sheepish about blogging all my feelings. I've never really censored myself, but recently I'm having a hard time and holding more in. There is just so much that I have and am going through that its really hard for me to let it out. Especially when I run the risk of blurting something out that, although may be extremely true, may also hurt others. And, as my mother always said, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all". Don't worry... I'll still be blabbing about everything that's physically going on with me, Just may not share the crazy thoughts from time to time :)