What I needed to hear...

WOW! We heard the heartbeat today. I was totally not expecting it, I'm only 8 weeks and 3 days, I thought it was too early. Needless to say, after the way I've been feeling, it was just what I needed to hear! It was amazing. It really put my mind at ease. (For the time being at least)

Dr. Ayers was amazing too! He was so compassionate and considerate about my fears. Every time I go for an appointment, I leave with a smile. (Even during the tough appointments). I am so blessed to have been brought to IVF of Michigan! I feel comfortable to express my thoughts and opinions and I am taken seriously and respected. I'm worried about hormone levels, so they did blood work to check it for me. I need to see my baby's heartbeat weekly, so I have an appointment next Monday and weekly there after until I feel comfortable! It is just an amazing place. As much as I didn't want to have to be a patient, boy am I feeling blessed to be with them now!

I expressed my concern about lack of symptoms and fluctuation of symptoms. He doesn't just say it's normal and move on. He explains it to me and why it happens and that calms my fears. He said, “I'm sorry your not feeling sick”, I reply sarcastically “I know, is a little morning sickness, nausea and frequent urination too much to ask for...jeeze”. We laugh together! Jason is right there, and it's the most wonderful experience ever. I just can't tell you how great this Dr. is! Jason and I both love him and think he is fabulous!

So, for a while, I am feeling relaxed and enjoying being pregnant. The relief I felt today after getting myself so worked up will ease my crazy mind in the future. Maybe this experience will help keep my crazy mind/body from playing tricks on me and convincing myself that “it's happening again”. I completely had my self convinced that today I would find out my little baby had no heartbeat. It is a nightmare I have lived in the past and I just can't seem to get past it. This is going to stick with me and I am going to keep the faith, pray lots and stay positive! This baby will be in my arms in August!!!

8 weeks and counting :)

Well, yesterday was the 8 week mark for us. Things seem to be going well I guess. I feel fine other than just tired. I'm so worried and paranoid though. I have very little symptoms and so I'm constantly wondering if I'm still pregnant, if the baby is still alive, if everything is still ok. Is a little nausea, morning sickness, or frequent urination too much to ask for? Really, I'm driving my self insane and I'm so anxious to see the Dr. Tuesday. I know that getting to see my little baby's heartbeat again will make me feel a little better for a little longer. I just pray that all goes well and things look just as perfect as they did two weeks ago.

I don't think anything will every take my worry completely away. As many of you already know, (because for me, I have to be very open and honest about things... too keep me from completely loosing my mind) My last pregnancy ended in a D &C after the baby's heart stopped. I found out when I was at my 12 week visit, but the Dr. said the baby was only measuring 10 weeks (that must have been when their little heart stopped and they stopped growing). So, I think I will feel a bit better after at least that point. My IVF Dr. wants to release me if everything looks good this week, but I think I'll make him keep me on two more weeks. I've been thinking of doubling up and making an apt. with my OB too. Then maybe I can see my baby every week. My OB is wonderful and has stated that he will do ultrasounds for me every week if that's what it takes to ease my mind. He is so kind and understanding. One great thing that came from all my pain, surgeries and such... meeting this fabulous specialist who is so genuine and caring!!!

Anyways, right now I'm just praying a lot and trying to be very positive. Monday and Tuesday will be hard to get through, I hope all my appointments don't cancel so I'm going non-stop both days right up to the time I see the Dr. Of course I know I'll feel sick to the point of vomiting (nerves always get to me) while I'm sitting in the waiting room Tuesday afternoon!