A Wonderful Weekend

So, I had a great time this weekend with my sister home from Boston. It was a short trip for her, so we had to make the most of every minute. When her plane came in Friday afternoon, Jason and I along with my Mom and Dad, were there to greet her. Detroit Metro Airport is so easy to get around, there was no trouble at all! Her flight went well, and we were all ready to eat! We went to Chili's in Ann Arbor and had a great time. We had a few drinks, ate, and just talked the night away. By the time we got home that evening it was nearly midnight. Trish came home with us and we all retired to bed by 2am.
Saturday morning Trish and I got up around 8:30. We showered and headed over to my parents house to pick up my Mom and Julia. We all had apts. to get our hair done at 10:30, so there was no time to waste. All of us got color/highlights and a new cut. It was a ton of fun and we all left feeling really good. From there we headed to Red Lobster for lunch! After a wonderful lunch, we decided to make the journey to Monroe to visit the Horizon Outlet Centers there. It was sad to see that so many of the stores there had closed down, but there was plenty open to keep us shopping until around 7pm. At that point we decided to head north toward Ann Arbor to do a bit more shopping and of course eat dinner. We all decided that Cold Stone (the best ice cream place ever!) was the perfect dinner for a girls night out. We ended our shopping spree with Borders, where we spent about 2 hrs. previewing books and of course purchasing a few that made the cut! The four of us girls had an absolute blast just talking, laughing and singing in the car all day! We ended up getting home once again close to midnight.
Sunday was fun too, but sad. We got up around 9. Trish had to pack up her new purchases and put the ones that needed to be shipped aside. We then headed over to my parents house to meet my Mom and Aunt Judy. From there we went to visit my Grandma Brown at the Lenawee Medical Care Facility. Grandma was is great spirits and really enjoyed our company. She even remember who I was without anyone telling her. We stayed with her while she had lunch and then helped her in bed for her afternoon nap. At that point we left to go have some lunch of our own. Mancino's was Trish's place of choice for her last meal before the flight out. It was nice for us to get to catch up with Aunt Judy. We then headed back toward Metro to drop Trish off for her flight. You would think after all this time she' lived in Boston, and all the times we've had to drop her at the airport, it wouldn't' be so emotional.... but it always is! I just miss her so much and hope someday we will live a bit closer again. Until then, I will cherish every second that I get to spend with her and be thankful that we can all afford travel back and forth right now.

On A Positive Note

On a positive note, now that I have ranted and let some of that negative feeling go, I am so super excited because my sister comes home from Boston this weekend. I miss her so very much and am just looking forward to spending some time together. My mom and dad and Jason and I are going to pick her up at the airport tomorrow. We will hang out and have dinner together. Then, Trish and I along with my Mom and other sister Julia will be going to get our hair done on Saturday morning, and then going shopping and hanging out all day & night. I really need some fun and laughter right now and I'm sure this weekend will be full of both! I do have the most wonderful family in the world!

Why? (Beware of Rant)

I guess this question just sums up a lot of what I think about a lot of crap right now. I'm just so sick and tired of month after month, and year after year for that matter, being filled with frustration and disappointment! Why can't I just get pregnant? What in the world have I done so terrible bad that I can not be blessed with a child. I just don't understand. There are tons of people out there that are HORRIBLE parents, but yet for some reason they are blessed over and over again with wonderful children whom they throw away. I'm just sick of it all... some days i just want to move far away from everyone I ever knew and live alone. I feel so alone anyway and part of me thinks that maybe if I weren't surrounded by tons of people and children that these thoughts wouldn't consume every second of my day. Maybe for once I could let it go and come to terms with the fact that I may never have children. I could start a new life and just live! Be happy. 4 years ago I thought my life was pretty darn perfect! I have the most wonderful husband in the world who I just love more than anything. We have a nice home together with two great dogs and are blessed with great jobs that we both enjoy! Everyday I would wake up happy and just loving life. I want that back! I just feel so empty. So guilty. Jason is the most amazing man I have ever met, what if he never gets to be a dad because of me. He will be the most wonderful father, and I feel as if I am holding him back. I feel like such a failure. I can't help but think about having a baby every second of the day. I just can't let go. I'm so sick of everyone telling me the most ridiculous things that make me just want to scream! Like for example, "just quite trying" "it will happen when you least expect it", you're trying to hard", or my absolute favorite "at least you know you can get pregnant". WTF! For real. Yeah, it makes me feel a whole lot better to know that I can get pregnant... just because I loose the baby every time and can never carry it to term... oh, at least I can get pregnant. How in the heck is that supposed to make me feel better? Please, explain that to me. And, you know what, NO, you don't know how I feel. It makes me so furious when people tell me that they understand exactly how I feel... well nobody who I have every met in my life thus far knows exactly how I feel. I have never met someone who has had to endure the pain and torture that I have been put through. Yes, there are many people who have experienced much worse than I, or very similar situations, but none that I know of who have lived my exact situations and feelings. Telling me that you can relate to my situation is a much better way of putting it. And if you've ever conceived a child without even thinking about it, or without trying for over 2 months... you really don't have a clue. I'm sorry... I just am feeling so hostile and aggravated right now that I just have to let this all out! I just pray that someday I will look back at this and feel like it wasn't that bad. Hopefully I will be appreciative of the experiences that I have had to endure, and feel like they made me a better person. Just like my experience with a colostomy bag. I feel so appreciative of that experience because it gave me a great appreciation for many things in life that I took for granted. I am thankful to be looking back and feeling positive about that horrible, awful situation. Right now, it just pisses me off though.