:(

Too upset to go into detail now, but scenario 2 seems to be playing out. I’m happy it’s not scenario 1, but I’m still very sad. I'll post more when I calm down and stop crying.

Just my Luck...

So, things were going so incredibly good with my IVF treatment. My ovaries had responded very well to the stimulation meds and were producing nice eggs. I was so super excited that things were really going to go smoothly. I should have known better... it's just my luck

Sunday morning we had a routine appointment to check my blood and have an ultra sounds. The nurse was quite alarmed at the presence of fluid around my ovaries and the differences between my multiple eggs. She contacted my Dr. and I was ordered to quite taking all meds immediately. Of course I've been doing my injections at 7:30am and 7:30pm, and that morning my appointment was at 8am... I had already done 2 of my injections. This was not good :( So, the nurse informs us that we have to quite this cycle all together or possibly have the eggs retrieved and then frozen. I'd just have to wait to see what my blood work and a few other tests showed.

An appointment was set for today. Of course it was incredibly hard to stay focused all day Sunday and this morning! During my appointment today I had another ultrasound and more blood work. My Dr. was very positive and almost guaranteed that I would have a baby with one of these eggs, it just might not bee as soon as I like. Although I'm super excited that he is so positive and feels so good about my progress, I'm really sad that we may have to wait once again.

There is rare event that occurs in approximately 5% of women undergoing my type of ovarian stimulation for IVF. It is called OHSS (Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome). Your ovaries become very enlarged, retain fluid and distend your abdomen. It can be very serious. Of course, although there is very small chance of having this problem... I guess I do.

The good news is, the Dr. informed me that we may have caught it at the right time. There are pretty much 3 scenarios that can play out. One: My estrogen levels are dangerously high and I have to stop this IVF cycle immediately for my own health. This is the worse case scenario as it results in the loss of 20-30 very healthy eggs and leaves me having to start all over again in 3-4 months when my ovaries are ok again. Two: My estrogen levels are too high for an embryo transfer or healthy pregnancy, but they are able to retrieve my eggs, fertilize them and freeze them for a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) in 3-4 months when my body is good again. or Three: my estrogen levels are fine and we can go ahead with the retrieval and transfer now as planned.

Of course I want scenario 3! I have gotten so excited about what could be and my dreams finally coming true. I have waited 4 years and to think it may be a reality in 9 months is very exciting! On the other hand, I don't want this at the risk of my life or my babies’ lives. That would not be worth it! I guess when it all comes down to it, I will do what my Dr. feels is the best procedure. He has years of experience and I trust him with my (and my babies) life. He is compassionate and caring and I feel that he wants me to have a baby almost as much as Jason and I do. I feel blessed to have been referred to him and his office.

So, now is the waiting game. My blood work from today should be back before 4, and the Dr. will call me then. I will know how bad my OHSS is and where we are going from here! Waiting to know is very difficult, but by now, I'm a pro! The meds do make me a bit less patient and a bit more irritable than normal (Jason might say more than a bit.. ha ha), but I'm hanging in here. I still feel confident that everything is going to work out just fine!

Eggsplosive...

I am so excited I feel like I might just jump right out of my skin. I had my Dr. appointment today and the ultrasound showed lots and lots of eggs. The nurse said that on average, most patients have 10-15 follicles for retrieval. Of course more is better because it gives you more chances to fertilize an egg and create a healthy embryo that makes it to Day 5 for the best chances of a successful transfer. Well... one of my ovaries has that many eggs. It was hard to count because there are so many, but it seems there are at least 12 in my left ovary and at least 11 in my right. The nurse was very pleased, and that makes me feel very happy as well. I'm just feeling so optimistic about this whole procedure. Jason and I have waited over 4 years, and I feel like this is it. My body is cooperating and things just came together even when it looked like it wouldn't. I know that there is still only about at 37% chance of me carrying a baby to full term, but I feel like I'm going to be on the positive end of a percentage for once in my life! I just really feel like we will finally be blessed... it is going to happen. I go back to the Dr. on Sunday morning and in the mean time I start a third injection to prevent premature ovulation. We don't want those little eggs letting go on their own. Of course now that would happen since they wouldn't do it for 4 years on their own! LOL, anyway, I'm feeling so good... so excited, so anxious! Praying for a miracle!

Egg Check

So, tomorrow is my first Dr. appointment to check my egg development. I'm really excited and sort of anxious. I hope that my ovaries cooperated with the meds and there are lots of nice healthy eggs developing. The ultra sound should give us a little bit better picture about when we might be looking to do the retrieval. It was estimated to be around the 1st, but anything can change. It all just depends on how my body reacts. Jason and I are betting on how many follicles there will be... you know, just for fun! I said 13 he says 10. Either is a good number, but more it better. We'll see...

I am not a Nurse...

I would just like to take a moment to thank all of you out there in the nursing, medical and health care fields. My recent experience with injections has confirmed the fact that these are not fields I myself could work in. I love working with people and helping people, BUT, I'm sorry, I just have a very hard time jamming a 5 inch needle the thickness of a pencil into myself let alone into another person. Maybe I'm exaggerating on the size of the needle just a bit, but trust me, it is big! You can actually see into the end of the needle.... OUCH! If it weren't for my extreme desire for the potential outcome, I don't think I could do it.

P.S. Maybe seeking a nurse friend to help if my husband can't go through with it... it's hard to give yourself a shot in the rear-end.

Still Chasing it...

Many of you know that Jason and I have had one specific dream for a long time now. After almost 5 years and many ups and downs, we are still chasing that dream. I wasn't sure what I was ready for before, but recently we made up our minds.

After our visit with the Infertility Specialist in April, we took his advice and just took a break. We took multiple vacations (Las Vegas, The UP, Boston, Niagara Falls, and a few overnight Bike trips). During that time we had lots of time to think. The Doctor was less and optimistic about us ever conceiving on our own. Not that I believe this, I think that it would eventually happen, I mean, why wouldn't it... they insist that there is nothing wrong, but anyway, we don't want to wait anymore. Our Doctor stated that he feels very positive that IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) has a very good chance of helping us make our dreams come true. After much soul searching, prayers and discussions with our close friends and family, we are going for it. I'm super excited, but scared at the same time. We are not rich by any means, and the procedure it quite expensive, but as I'm sure any of you women out there who have, or want children will agree, you would pay any price for your child. I would give anything for their little life and that is what keeps me going everyday. The Hope, The Dream... in my heart I know it will happen.

Boston

So, I'm not sure if you all knew, but Boston is the most awesome city ever! I love it! Since my sister moved there almost 4 years ago, I have had the opportunity to visit multiple times! Every time is just a little better! There is always something new to do or see! It is definitely my favorite city!

Of course I would love my sister to live much closer to me, but if she has to live someplace else, she did a good job picking a pretty cool place! If you have never been, you must go! The history is amazing! As are the museums, parks, culture, architecture, people, shopping, food, and tours! There is just too much to say about such a fun city. It's only down fall I would say is that it is NOT fun to drive in. You have to just park in the suburbs and take the trains! Much easier. You don't have to deal with traffic and you get the whole experience! I love it!

This past week I got to go visit again. I miss my sister so dearly, so I really look forward to anytime we have together. This time we got to be part of a small reception that Adam's parents threw in celebration of their wedding (Yes, Trish eloped... I was upset at first, but seeing how happy she is... all is forgiven! I only want for her to be happy, and Adam is AWESOME). And can I just say that his parents are probably the nicest people that I have ever met. They are so kind and hospitable. They just make you feel so welcome. I love them too! I got to meet lots of Adams family and celebrate with them. It was so nice. Hot... but nice.

We also went to the New England Aquarium. That was really cool. Fish are so interesting and beautiful... well most of them anyway. Some of them were actually quite ugly and a bit frightening. There was also an amazing sea turtle there: Mertle. She was huge! Weight 550lbs and had the most amazing shell. I have pictures, but haven't got them off my phone yet. It was very cool!

Pretty much the whole time we just spent hanging out with my sister, her husband Adam and friends and family. Every night we stayed up late 1am or so, and then spent all day the next day together too. I just love my sister so much, I wanted to squeeze every second I could with her. We had a great time and I didn't want to leave.

On the way home Jason and I stopped at Niagara Falls. That was the whole purpose of us driving out this time. It was very beautiful and absolutely worth the stop. I would love to go again for a weekend and do all the fun sightseeing attractions like the Maid of the Mist, IMAX, Helicopter ride, Observation Tower, etc. This time we just took the scenic trolley around to multiple stops, had lunch at the Top of the Falls, and then headed out. It was enough after spending a week in Boston... I was ready to be home and to sleep in my own bed. Now that I've rested up, I'm ready to do it all over again!